Thursday night’s Bible study as well as church this morning has opened my eyes to so much. It has shown me how incredibly selfish I have been lately. As I read over past blogs and previous journal entries (or lack thereof on that one) I see myself saying the same things over and over again, just using different words. I pray the same prayers. I ask God for the same things over and over again. It seems that I get so caught up in work so as to have something that is all mine. I get caught up in grading and planning that I push everything else aside. Friends, family, church, GOD. And all for what? So I can complain with everyone else about how hard work is? So I can complain with my coworkers about how bad my kids are, and we can see who’s situation is worse? So I can have great stories to tell when I actually do make time for someone and we’re catching up on life? All of that…lame. And if you notice, God didn’t fit into any of that. I have been letting myself live the past few months and thinking Sunday mornings and the occasional Bible study is enough to suffice God. But it’s not. And I refuse to let myself keep falling into this trap. Since Thursday my prayer life is all I could think about. And how can I change it. How can I use prayer to grow closer to God, and to truly communicate with him and hear him, rather than to use it to complain to him and ask him to change my situation. In all honesty, my situation is not bad. At all. I just want it to be better. And I can’t even think how much “better” God could make it if I just let it go and give it to him. The grading, it’ll happen. But weeks from now, months from now, if I turned down hanging out with a friend because I had stacks of papers to grade or lessons to write, what could be the consequences of that? If I say no to God one more time to grade a set of tests rather than spend time with him, is that going to be the time he stops talking? I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to be that Christian who is halfway doing it and letting everyone think everything’s ok in my spiritual life. I’m letting you all know now, it’s not! But…it’s going to be. Please, hold me accountable to not putting work before God. To not putting work before friendships and relationships. Hold me accountable to being a blessing and not a burden. Because nobody likes a complainer. And nobody likes a workaholic. I want to see Reedy Fork come alive. And it’s going to be hard to do from behind a stack of papers.